christmas in new york. bright white lights that illuminate the streets of new york. makes me wonder if its worth battling the army of tourists by rockefeller. how can you appreciate something so beautiful when youre so caught up with the franticking passerbyer's trying to cross in front of you. mini rant done. a charm. a tale. a land. a dream so real. in front of me, around me in new york, city. a modern edge, a traditional tone, a trust, an ode to christmas. new york city. christmas. where i am, where i want to be.
(one of these photos is not like the others: last one was taken in new jersey)
i miss not a person. not a singular breathing thing. but i miss those moments. the mundane. the simple. the subdued smoldering but so effervescent sparks of happiness. the unspoken flirting. the silent laughs inside our head. a love bubbling where no one could see.
i miss being right there. i miss standing still right there. in that moment. i miss imagining holding onto you. but i can't anymore. is it paranoia. is it love. is it real.
i miss the good times. the generalizations. the happiness that isn't supposed to be real for me but it was. the carpe and the diem. the you and the me. the everything that i had with you. a weaving of us.
it's all unraveled now. or so it seems. is it me? is it you? nothing is complete. i don't know. i'm not sure. what---
is it time to say bye. why does it have to go. does it have to? why does it have to end. do you mean to? what is---
maybe what i miss is a person. maybe i miss you. yeah, that's it. it's all it is. i miss us.
This may be the first post I am... posting (verb choice?) since college has begun. I've been active on tumlbr and twitter, probably too active, but it has been ever so difficult to organize myself blogging wise. Although my blog is quite dead, I had a sudden midnight urge to share a bit of my life with the world wide web.
To be in New York City is all that matters to me right now. Everywhere I turn, I find something new, a story, a moment of exhilaration, quite appreciation. Collaborations of modern architecture and classical arches. Clashes of class with irritable smells of who-knows-what right across my dorm, and walk across to find swanky apartment buildings with gorgeous windows. Walking to class through a huge park where everyone is doing something, meeting an old friend, or people are there just to appreciate all this collision of life. I just love the fact that I'm here. Something about it, I can't even grasp it. To live somewhere that's considered to be the center of the world in so many different aspects. I go to the Met like it's any other day. I love it every time--not even an exaggeration--but it's so at hand, so accessible and I couldn't be more grateful.
I love that I've found community here. There is never a moment where I feel like I'm lonely. If I want to meet up with a friend, I can almost always find someone, if not someone finding me. I love that I can go to a dining hall and a friend will spontaneously sweep me off my feet--literally. I love that I can love in this city that could be so lonely. There is nothing not to love, but to love love, love. For the sake of love.
Thank you New York. Thank you God. This life, I couldn't be happier right now. (except for the fact that I have two essays due in 1.5 days, that is kind of the current issue if there were to be any for me right now).
Enough 12:45am yackity yack. I've been loving the socks and tights trend so here's two pairs of socks I've worn in two different ways! I just got into venturing into the socks/tights arena and I love it!