notes: i miss

i miss not a person. not a singular breathing thing. but i miss those moments. the mundane. the simple. the subdued smoldering but so effervescent sparks of happiness. the unspoken flirting. the silent laughs inside our head. a love bubbling where no one could see.

i miss being right there. i miss standing still right there. in that moment. i miss imagining holding onto you. but i can't anymore. is it paranoia. is it love. is it real.

i miss the good times. the generalizations. the happiness that isn't supposed to be real for me but it was. the carpe and the diem. the you and the me. the everything that i had with you. a weaving of us.

it's all unraveled now. or so it seems. is it me? is it you? nothing is complete. i don't know. i'm not sure. what---

is it time to say bye. why does it have to go. does it have to? why does it have to end. do you mean to? what is---

maybe what i miss is a person. maybe i miss you. yeah, that's it. it's all it is. i miss us.