Tuesday, March 27, 2012

a living paradox

sometimes i wish i could just know. god works in the most mysterious of ways and i know all his plans are for the better, but today, there was a moment where everything was the worst. because all that i knew was simply whisked away from me, all my plans and excitement and tantalizing concerns lost their magic because one big plan was taken out of my hands. i wish i could just know what's to come. i wish i could just feel. just be confident. just live without worry. i wish i could just know. 

it's funny how when something you had been banking just goes awry and the whole day looks dark to you. i had a weird perspective change today. for me, everyday is amazing, but because everyday is amazing, there's a thin film of monotony that blankets each day. when i see someone i know, even if they pass me by, i smile to myself and i'll hope they have a fab day. i'll sing songs to myself quietly as i walk down the maxed out, taxi filled streets to class. and today, once i got some bad news, even the sun didn't make things any brighter. every little wrong thing that i'd normally shrug off was suddenly something to make me cuss. 

but the weird thing is, this little dark revelation peeled off the film of monotony and amplified the awesomeness that really lies in everyday. i was having the worst of days. truth. but i wished everyone else had an off-the-wall amazing day. i don't quite understand myself, but after i got off the phone with news that demanded some annoying tears to tickle my face, i walked out of that place and had a bigger smile whenever i saw someone i knew. this dark magic put that positive fairy dust and oomph into everything. it was a punch in the face conducted by some tinkerbell. when people asked me 'hey! how are you girl?' yes. it was literally the most heart wrenching second of my life to say 'i'm good!' and now i really understand the value of asking someone 'how they are' but that magical smack in my face and thrust in my life made me forget my fears and remember my love. maybe it was the hurt that made me want to love even more. but in the end, i was less afraid to say hi, to reach out, i wanted to kiss everyone i knew--not like seductively. i wanted to make sure that everyone loved their life as much as i did and didn't in that moment. something moved me to move others. 

later in the day i was assigned to give a campus tour (relevantly, the new tour guides had our "track jacket ceremony" today which was our official "induction" to let us give tours! whuddup! so if you come here, maybe i'll show you aroundz!). besides being late to my exam, and other silly stupid things, i had to do a tour on top of it and i was like 'oh dreaded life, why must i show others around school today. i am miserableness and hatred of life. woe is me.' but no. i loved it. i was still having the worst of days. truth. but as i shared my story, i hoped everyone on that tour would love my school, would love learning. would love life. 

so today was the worst of days. truth. and sometimes i still wish i could just know what is to come, what is my life, what is. but when the cookie crumbles, you have crumbs, that still taste good. and when my life seems to fall apart, i realize i still have people, that still taste good. i still have these amazing (no more film of monotony applied) acquaintances--friends i see daily or faces that i wish were more embedded in my life or faces that i no longer even see. and no matter where my career, life, or i end up, i know i'll have people with whom i can share smiles with and people with whom i already shared smiles. as a matter of fact, i close this post to have some hot chocolate with a friend. and with that, i can only hope that anyone who reads this--maybe it's your worst of days, maybe you also wish you could just know--but i hope you know that there is still people, there is still love, and there is still life. 

"“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” -Audrey Hepburn

jacket - urban outfitters, tee - best coast band tee, shirt - nordstrom rack, skirt - urban outfitters, tights - gift, shoes - american apparel

song of the moment
"pack up your troubles, get your old kit bag, don't worry about the cavalries. i don't care what the whisperers say cuz they whisper too loud for me."

Friday, March 23, 2012

new waves

on my birthday i did a little anthropologie splurgin' (it was still on sale. but still a splurge -_-) and was won over by this long knit skirt. it's probably supposed to go to like the knees for the average women, but i still enjoy how i wore it! the second outfit is from a slightly chillier weather, but same skirt nonetheless.

more photos to come. quick 411 about my life. it's 2:37 am. i'll be volunteering tomorrow morning. i'll be catching up on lots of reading. i'll be hitting myself to sleeping so stupidly late. i saw the black keys and the arctic monkeys; they were glorious, beautiful, divine, and sex(y). i've been listening to JET nonstop. i bought tix to see the shins! and i also notice that i'm blogging a lot more frequently than i have in the past. is this coming back?! is my blogging swag rejuvenated?! i guess we'll see. :)
scarf -  american apparel, tank top -  urban outfitters, cardigan -  h&m, skirt - anthropologie, oxfords - aldo
scarf - street stores in seoul, blazer -  urban outfitters, shirt - nordstrom rack, skirt - anthrpologie, oxfords - aldo

 song of the moment - 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

wind's kiss

as the sun descends to return to its bed and blanket of the earth, 
you whisper to me.

your lips of cool sensitivity trace my neck, 
the chill dancing with the sun's burnt orange hush.

people banter and walk on.
but i stick with you
privately, at the cement street intersection.

your caring wishes tickling me with glowing rays 
trickling between the town's
wires, rooftops, flickering branches.

a fresh fragrance of wood complements your natural touch. 
just as the sun goes to sleep, your flirtation must end, too.
just as the sun wakes, will you be back as well? 
will your distant gazes evolve to something more?

stroke my hand.
caress just below the flowy hem of my skirt.
tell me about your dreams. 

maybe the sun will have slept by then 
and only the smiling stars will be left to silently serenade us.

or maybe you'll leave.
maybe i'll get away to the big city where you roam only fiercefully like you're mad.

but maybe i'll find you at ease, muscles relaxes like we are here now.
your finger tips mildly rustle the loose waves of my hair.

i wrinkle my nose.
you brush my ear.
the ever perfect lover.


you move me to a world where i don't have to move.
you welcome. you take me in.
you make the move to introduce yourself to me.
you don't know me 
yet you know all there is; 
we are of the same god, the same nature.

you love. you are. we are. 
kiss my silhouette.
take me home where the starlight can paint 
our effervescent love with a sweet serenade.


photos by Bailey Theado

shirt - nordstrom rack, tee - best coast merch, shorts - urban outfiters, tights - american eagle, shoes - uncle in south korea, cardigan - urban outfitters, coat - zara

song of the moment 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

a revolution by love

This is a journal of miscellany, of things beyond what I wear, of my dreams and my life beyond the fabric of the highest quality. 

Unclogging drains, burning under the New Orleans sun, greeting every passerby in the streets of Louisiana, this was a week of service, of exploration, this was a week of love. 

Through my Residential College at my university and through an organization called Common Ground, I've been lucky enough to be able to lend a helping hand in efforts to aid the remaining hurt of Hurricane Katrina. Seven years ago, I was in middle school in South Korea, probably stressing about my homework. Seven years ago, Katrina devastated the lower ninth ward and although the relief, through nationwide volunteering and alternative spring break trips such as the one I was a part of, has been ameliorated, seven years later, the area remains devastated. 

This week wasn't about going to some place to get volunteer hours, to do labor to say I changed the world on my resume. This week engrained the fact that serving your community isn't so much an act, but a lifestyle. At the beginning of the adventure, I was scared about what kind of impact would I make/not make. Would a few days of dirty work do any good? What am I really doing here? What am doing in New Orleans, in New York City, in this world?  Am I going to leave the legacy that I want to leave? 

Big questions blanketed my vision but the love for the present of New Orleans residents sparked an idea in my mind. To have lost a home. To have lost a spouse. To have lost a love. To have lost their lives in a disaster bestowed by nature is a loss incomprehensible to myself and to those who cannot experience it and despite this experience, these survivors thrive and celebrate, love and greet, smile and live more than people who do truly "succeed" in well-off areas. They know life and death. They know that they are happy and dealing with the moment. 

This concept helped me to remember that service is about the individual. The small steps, not so much the big picture. Yes, service can and certainly does change the world, but first it changes the volunteer and the receiver. It changes a world, and then the world. I broke my fear of heights by climbing a ladder making me about 1.5 stories high to paint a man's house with a peach color chosen by his wife. He bought ten whole pizzas for our group of only nine volunteers. He spoiled us with love that was unspeakable of, a love that I could barely understand but I knew all so well. It was a love that makes the world go round and makes service was it is. Because of the service of this week, I'm letting go of looking at the world through the lense of big success, big dreams, big hopes, big leaps--no, it's about the individual first. It's not about me being the next big talk show host or whatever I want to be (not even sure yet), but it's about reaching one more person. If one person even reads this post, that'll be something, it'll be service. 

In relation to fashion, I'm coming to realize that it really isn't about the brand, about the color, about pattern, about the print, you know what, it's not even truly about how it looks, but fashion stems from the story. The clothes I wear shouldn't be about a show. I no longer want to say that I'm from a different place than New Orleans. Because I flew on an airplane to serve doesn't make me better. And likewise I don't want to show my clothes to this world, but my story, that I'm a same human, with a different experience, culture, life and taste. Fashion works with service in that I'd like to hold some reader or viewer of a magazine, blog, twitter, whatever's hand through the power of art, the story that cements art, and move them to move others. That's real fashion. Not Marc Jacobs. Not 2940 followers. Not Fashion Week. Not Paris. It's the movement and the service. 

Service is a lifestyle of outreach, founded on a love for people, a love for the world. Service overflows from the revolution of love.
Thank you New Orleans. Thank you New York City. Thank you God.

"The true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love...We must strive every day so that this love of living humanity will be transformed into actual deeds, into acts that serve as examples, as a moving force." 
Che Guevara

Besides photos exposing (still) broken homes of the lower ninth ward, I've included photos of my journey as a whole! I think you can safely say, love was a big theme :) 


French Quarter: 


Yes, Blockbuster gets its own caption because we didn't even think it still existed:

 (All photos not including myself were taken by me) 
song of the moment