i knew i was moving for good for a while. so did a lot of other friends. we all knew, but who knew it would hit home until just a few days before leaving.
i'm finally thinking about it. i'm imagining myself sitting at the airport, waiting in line at customs, sitting at the newsstand place, reading teenvogue. but i wont be, because i'll be remembering seattle rain knocking at my doorstep, car rides and walks with the people who really matter, and even small talks with the people who kind of matter (haha). dont worry about me. dont think i'll be too hyped up about the new life i'll be living because i'll be remembering seattle.
i wont be sleeping during my flight to jersey, i wont even be imagining life ahead, i'll be dreaming of everything that's beautiful in seattle. i'll be half asleep with purple and gold colors flying through my brain, seeing pictures of the good times when i didn't want to be anywhere else, and the bad times when i hated everyone here and cried alone in my closet, trying to figure out who i am above the misconceptions that still haunt me.
i'm imagining myself on the car ride when my bro picks me up from the airport to his house. i'll be talking to him. "so what'd you do before you left seattle?" i'll tell him "just trying to enjoy seattle with my friends for the last times." but i wont be talking to him, i'll be giving him only a sample of everything the last month has meant to me. i'll be trying to ignore the reality that i really have no idea when i'll be in seattle again. i really have no idea when the next time i'll be able to see all the people who shaped me and changed my life. i really have no idea when life will lead me back to washington. but i'm glad it was a part.
i'm imagining myself in new york, in college during orientation. no lie and i'm not gonna hide it; i'm definitely going to have a kick-ass time there. like. i'm not even joking it's gonna be the best thing ever; if you're jealous of me, well i would be too. but i'll be jealous of you too cuz you get to ripen and grow bright green and tall and fruitful where you've always been planted. but moving to a new place doesn't mean i'm starting totally over. i'm being replanted, but this time with seasoning and with some natural hormones that just give the extra boost.
anyway, i'm imagining myself in college. i wont be living a new life. i never will be. i'll be living off the life i've built here. seattle, you mean a lot to me, yeah the space needle is alright and pike place is awesome but mostly, i mean the people i've brushed and embraced shoulders with in high school. some of those people i can't wait to leave, but in a way i'll miss them because sure, they helped me learn that there are suckers and semi-purely evil people in society. (hi!)
i'm imagining myself landing my first internship in new york, graduating, living in an apartment in the city, finding love and finding life. but in this life, did i ever say goodbye to seattle? no. i know things are only going to get better. thank you IHS, thank you chums and washington for an experience that's already embedded in my system. stick around, cuz maybe i'm not really leaving.
love,
erin
p.s. for my seattle friends, feel free to hit me up anytime on facebook or something, you guys really mean a lot to me, if you can't tell. :]
4 comments:
Aw, this was a really sweet post, Erin. While I didn't move across the country, leaving home is leaving home and everything you said is spot on. But DO look forward to your life that's about to change in ways you can't even imagine. More than the school, the people, and the city. There's a lot to look back on and a lot that changed you and I know you won't forget all of that :)
This is a wonderful post, Erin. You put into words so many emotions I feel about both you leaving and me sorta leaving Seattle. I am going to miss you so so so so so so much!! I miss you already! I can't even put it into words, but I know you understand. Thanks for being such a blessing in my life and if it ever feels like I haven't talked to you in too long or whatever, call me and pester me and remind me that I promised to keep in touch. :)
I love you!
Such a sweet post! This is how I felt leaving Seoul T_T
I'm so jealous though that you're going to school in NYC! I probably should have done that, instead my school is rural (though it does keep me studying better!). I love love lovee city life.
PS I was actually in Seoul for school (study abroad in the summer). You should check it out: it's Yonsei International Summer School. I don't know which NY school you're attending, but I met a lot of people from NYU, so I'm guessing it might have a program!
This is wonderfully written and essentially explains all the emotions I've been feeling but can't describe. I think we're kind of in the same boat that way - leaving, traveling very far - except I'll be returning to Philly eventually. Regardless, it's just such a pivotal point, full of change...
xox
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