Sunday, March 28, 2010

a vicious cycle


My mom's like a best friend that I've never had and never will have. I can be myself and I don't have to hide anything. We have such similar personalities that everything just clicks. But that's the problem. When a small misunderstanding sparks, then everything goes berserk.

So we'll have a our high times as we watch old, classy movies together and laugh our butts off watching America's Funniest Home Videos and critique ice skaters as we watch reruns of the Winter Olympics Figure Skating, but then I say something a little askew, and then my mom's like what? and I'm like what?!?!?! and then everything's like WHAT?!?!??!!?!!?!?!?!?$@%#%

You could say that our relationship is like American economy (at least US economy according to my AP US History teacher). Apparently, our economy has its amazing highs and then crashes tremendously like in the Depression of the 20s. Then things are amazing-er than before! And then, things are stinkier than before. The cycle goes on until the crash is too big to handle, and I feel like that's going to happen sometime soon between my mom and me... I don't know what to do.



I got frustrated, so I started journalling which then became poetry...


1.
I'm left here in a flourishing cage with my mom.
A blessing and a curse.

I can't tell if it's for better or for worse.


When life is good,
I feel like I'm free
only to find myself in disgusting symmetry.


I see my mom;
we laugh, we joke

and then we brawl and fight when we really shouldn't have.


I hate it.
I want it over.

but what can i do?

I'm so human,

I'm so distraught.

I'm tied to this cycle like glue.


I know it's gonna happen again,
it's just the way we are...

but I don't want to lose my mom.

my friend, that twinkling star.


I sit, in lonely disarray,
anger getting the best of me.

she sits in the next room,
heated tension burning our symmetry.

now there's no more laughs.
goodbye friend.
goodbye love.
I wish someone would stop me from anger,

I just have to wait and wait and wait

and pray to the one above.



2.
I want to break through
this mess
and find that
waiting fullness.
but I don't know where you are.

I

keep falling

making

crumbling under those same mistakes.



3.
I want to make things right,

but I don't want to be wrong.


I want this friendship to last forever,

but both of us aren't that strong.


I want Jesus to come
and say
"It is finished"
but until then
we are gone, baby, gone.



9 comments:

Shannon said...

Oh Erin, my mom and I are the same thing.

Design Darling said...

my mom and i are exactly the same way! when it's good it's great... and when it's bad it's ugly!

Inspiration in Italy said...

You are so creative and talented, what a great poem! You have an amazing way of writing and describing also. I think a lot of relationships with our mothers are just the same way, too!

xo
Rachel

knalleffekt said...

oh that's normal.and i have to say, the last pic is really great. liebe grüße aus berlin susanne

Elizabeth said...

Well, my mom was like Hitler. There were no good times. And if you ever got stupid and thought she was your girlfriend, she'd take you back down a peg or two. I remember laughing about something she said once and saying, "Are you crazy?" The sh*t hit the fan.

Anyway, just be thankful you two have good times in common :)

English Rose ♥ said...

Exactly the same with my mum - our relationship is so scarily like the gilmore girls - if you havent seen it you simply must!

Merci beaucoup for stopping by darling =]

Stay safe and chic ma chérie,
English Rose x
http://iammanenglishrose.blogspot.com

Missy said...

sucha great poem! i'm the same too!

Missy
For everything about fashion:
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

rachel / Red Lips Vintage said...

i think happens a lot with girls and their moms...don't worry! just try to understand her and know that neither of you wants to be fighting!

J. said...

Very sincere, and I understand, trust me, you will always be friends!