a vicious cycle

My mom's like a best friend that I've never had and never will have. I can be myself and I don't have to hide anything. We have such similar personalities that everything just clicks. But that's the problem. When a small misunderstanding sparks, then everything goes berserk.

So we'll have a our high times as we watch old, classy movies together and laugh our butts off watching America's Funniest Home Videos and critique ice skaters as we watch reruns of the Winter Olympics Figure Skating, but then I say something a little askew, and then my mom's like what? and I'm like what?!?!?! and then everything's like WHAT?!?!??!!?!!?!?!?!?$@%#%

You could say that our relationship is like American economy (at least US economy according to my AP US History teacher). Apparently, our economy has its amazing highs and then crashes tremendously like in the Depression of the 20s. Then things are amazing-er than before! And then, things are stinkier than before. The cycle goes on until the crash is too big to handle, and I feel like that's going to happen sometime soon between my mom and me... I don't know what to do.



I got frustrated, so I started journalling which then became poetry...


1.
I'm left here in a flourishing cage with my mom.
A blessing and a curse.
I can't tell if it's for better or for worse.

When life is good,
I feel like I'm free
only to find myself in disgusting symmetry.

I see my mom;
we laugh, we joke
and then we brawl and fight when we really shouldn't have.

I hate it.
I want it over.
but what can i do?
I'm so human,
I'm so distraught.
I'm tied to this cycle like glue.

I know it's gonna happen again,
it's just the way we are...
but I don't want to lose my mom.
my friend, that twinkling star.

I sit, in lonely disarray,
anger getting the best of me.
she sits in the next room,
heated tension burning our symmetry.

now there's no more laughs.
goodbye friend. goodbye love.
I wish someone would stop me from anger,
I just have to wait and wait and wait
and pray to the one above.


2.
I want to break through this mess
and find that waiting fullness.
but I don't know where you are.
I
keep falling
making
crumbling under those same mistakes.


3.
I want to make things right,
but I don't want to be wrong.

I want this friendship to last forever,
but both of us aren't that strong.

I want Jesus to come
and say "It is finished"
but until then
we are gone, baby, gone.