a living paradox

sometimes i wish i could just know. god works in the most mysterious of ways and i know all his plans are for the better, but today, there was a moment where everything was the worst. because all that i knew was simply whisked away from me, all my plans and excitement and tantalizing concerns lost their magic because one big plan was taken out of my hands. i wish i could just know what's to come. i wish i could just feel. just be confident. just live without worry. i wish i could just know. 

it's funny how when something you had been banking just goes awry and the whole day looks dark to you. i had a weird perspective change today. for me, everyday is amazing, but because everyday is amazing, there's a thin film of monotony that blankets each day. when i see someone i know, even if they pass me by, i smile to myself and i'll hope they have a fab day. i'll sing songs to myself quietly as i walk down the maxed out, taxi filled streets to class. and today, once i got some bad news, even the sun didn't make things any brighter. every little wrong thing that i'd normally shrug off was suddenly something to make me cuss. 

but the weird thing is, this little dark revelation peeled off the film of monotony and amplified the awesomeness that really lies in everyday. i was having the worst of days. truth. but i wished everyone else had an off-the-wall amazing day. i don't quite understand myself, but after i got off the phone with news that demanded some annoying tears to tickle my face, i walked out of that place and had a bigger smile whenever i saw someone i knew. this dark magic put that positive fairy dust and oomph into everything. it was a punch in the face conducted by some tinkerbell. when people asked me 'hey! how are you girl?' yes. it was literally the most heart wrenching second of my life to say 'i'm good!' and now i really understand the value of asking someone 'how they are' but that magical smack in my face and thrust in my life made me forget my fears and remember my love. maybe it was the hurt that made me want to love even more. but in the end, i was less afraid to say hi, to reach out, i wanted to kiss everyone i knew--not like seductively. i wanted to make sure that everyone loved their life as much as i did and didn't in that moment. something moved me to move others. 

later in the day i was assigned to give a campus tour (relevantly, the new tour guides had our "track jacket ceremony" today which was our official "induction" to let us give tours! whuddup! so if you come here, maybe i'll show you aroundz!). besides being late to my exam, and other silly stupid things, i had to do a tour on top of it and i was like 'oh dreaded life, why must i show others around school today. i am miserableness and hatred of life. woe is me.' but no. i loved it. i was still having the worst of days. truth. but as i shared my story, i hoped everyone on that tour would love my school, would love learning. would love life. 

so today was the worst of days. truth. and sometimes i still wish i could just know what is to come, what is my life, what is. but when the cookie crumbles, you have crumbs, that still taste good. and when my life seems to fall apart, i realize i still have people, that still taste good. i still have these amazing (no more film of monotony applied) acquaintances--friends i see daily or faces that i wish were more embedded in my life or faces that i no longer even see. and no matter where my career, life, or i end up, i know i'll have people with whom i can share smiles with and people with whom i already shared smiles. as a matter of fact, i close this post to have some hot chocolate with a friend. and with that, i can only hope that anyone who reads this--maybe it's your worst of days, maybe you also wish you could just know--but i hope you know that there is still people, there is still love, and there is still life. 

"“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” -Audrey Hepburn

jacket - urban outfitters, tee - best coast band tee, shirt - nordstrom rack, skirt - urban outfitters, tights - gift, shoes - american apparel

song of the moment
"pack up your troubles, get your old kit bag, don't worry about the cavalries. i don't care what the whisperers say cuz they whisper too loud for me."

new waves

on my birthday i did a little anthropologie splurgin' (it was still on sale. but still a splurge -_-) and was won over by this long knit skirt. it's probably supposed to go to like the knees for the average women, but i still enjoy how i wore it! the second outfit is from a slightly chillier weather, but same skirt nonetheless.

more photos to come. quick 411 about my life. it's 2:37 am. i'll be volunteering tomorrow morning. i'll be catching up on lots of reading. i'll be hitting myself to sleeping so stupidly late. i saw the black keys and the arctic monkeys; they were glorious, beautiful, divine, and sex(y). i've been listening to JET nonstop. i bought tix to see the shins! and i also notice that i'm blogging a lot more frequently than i have in the past. is this coming back?! is my blogging swag rejuvenated?! i guess we'll see. :)

scarf -  american apparel, tank top -  urban outfitters, cardigan -  h&m, skirt - anthropologie, oxfords - aldo

scarf - street stores in seoul, blazer -  urban outfitters, shirt - nordstrom rack, skirt - anthrpologie, oxfords - aldo

 song of the moment - 

wind's kiss

as the sun descends to return to its bed and blanket of the earth, 

you whisper to me.

your lips of cool sensitivity trace my neck, 

the chill dancing with the sun's burnt orange hush.

people banter and walk on.

but i stick with you

privately, at the cement street intersection.

your caring wishes tickling me with glowing rays 

trickling between the town's

wires, rooftops, flickering branches.

a fresh fragrance of wood complements your natural touch. 

just as the sun goes to sleep, your flirtation must end, too.

just as the sun wakes, will you be back as well? 

will your distant gazes evolve to something more?

stroke my hand.

caress just below the flowy hem of my skirt.

tell me about your dreams. 

maybe the sun will have slept by then 

and only the smiling stars will be left to silently serenade us.

or maybe you'll leave.

maybe i'll get away to the big city where you roam only fiercefully like you're mad.

but maybe i'll find you at ease, muscles relaxes like we are here now.

your finger tips mildly rustle the loose waves of my hair.

i wrinkle my nose.

you brush my ear.

the ever perfect lover.

wind

you move me to a world where i don't have to move.

you welcome. you take me in.

you make the move to introduce yourself to me.

you don't know me 

yet you know all there is; 

we are of the same god, the same nature.

you love. you are. we are. 

wind. 

kiss my silhouette.

take me home where the starlight can paint 

our effervescent love with a sweet serenade.

 

photos by Bailey Theado

shirt - nordstrom rack, tee - best coast merch, shorts - urban outfiters, tights - american eagle, shoes - uncle in south korea, cardigan - urban outfitters, coat - zara

song of the moment 

seven things

CommePolly recently tagged me with a Stylin’ Blogger Award! It's an honor because her blog is really cool and is full of inspiration and innovative fashion. It's most definitely worth visiting. :)

With the award, I get to share 7 things about myself (suh-weet!): so here we go!

1. My favorite cartoon guy is Snoopy (and anything Peanuts really). Snoopy rocks. I think it's self-explanatory.

 via lovegifs

2. In the future, I'd love to have my own show. I know that sounds rather vain, but I always thought it'd be cool to be the next Oprah or  something like that. In middle school, my friends did say that I'd make a  good Oprah..? It'd be like having a blog, but on TV and live!

3. I love the East Coast and I can't wait 'til college. I'm currently residing in Seattle and as much as I love the daily mist and inevitable smell of Starbucks and lush evergreen trees, I love the energy, the dreams, the fearless lifestyles of the East--my home. I was also extremely bugged by so many debbie-downers I've met in Washington; you might think Seattle-ites love rain since they get it all the time--I thought so, but no, they are some of the worst complainers I've ever encountered. (But there are beautiful people in Seattle too! It is a lovely place; haha). I can't wailt til I hear back from schools and find out where I'll be in a few months. :]

4. I hate when people say I'm "innocent." They think it's a nice thing, but there are few things I hate, and that is definitely one of them. I've lived through life, have cable TV and lived in the city; I watch Family Guy and like the video Jizz in My Pants.

5. I love film and in my wildest dreams I'd love to be a cinematographer or film director. I have too many favorite films to name but they include Silence of the Lambs, Life is Beautiful, Irma La Douce, and soo many more (there's a longer list on my blogger profile page).


VanessaBruno.com from Jillian Kliewer on Vimeo.
found this on CommePolly's blog!

6. I think Matthew Broderick is so adorable. I also have the hots for Jude Law, Leonardo Dicaprio (see my tumblr pic to the right ---->), Robert Downey Jr, Tom Felton, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ash Stymest, Robert Redford (in his time of course...I'm not that creepy). I actually have a hot guy list from ages ago; need to create a new one sometime...

 

 via lovegifs

7. I loveee music and discovering new music, but who doesn't right? I think my music taste is actually pretty hipster, but if you go to school with me, you probably know I am  obviously not--or at least I don't look like one. It sometimes actually bothers me because people see me as  this goody-two-shoes who probably listens to only JBiebz and TSwift  (don't get me wrong; they have some fabulously catchy tunes). I guess that goes back to #4. Anyway, I love music ranging from jazz to hip hop and oldies to alternative rock, but I guess I tend to listen to more alt/indie rock. And speaking of that, here's a few tunes I've been listenin to.

 

 Now I'd like to pass this on to 7 other bloggers!: Maggie from Lifesize Paperdoll, Estefany from Helmet Head, Catherine from Silhouette Girl, Wendan from Laundry on Sundaes, Amber from Laughing with Broken Eyes, Kenzie from Kenzie Faith, Tegan from Tegan on Toast, Kimmi of Maze of Illusion. (I realized that was 8, but why not share a lil more love).

Thank you again CommePolly! :)

Psssst. If you haven't already, I'd love to get your feedback about my blog through the poll on the left. :)

101st post celebration!

Wow! I just realized I've reached over 100 posts!

My blog started out as a source of procrastination and getaway from all my homework stress, but now it's become my personal artistic/journalistic getaway! When I began my blog, I thought it'd be mainly be me writing about all the things I love, and the good things I learn everyday of my life, but I'm surprised to see that it's become more of an art/fashion centric blog!

I think what really makes the blog experience unique is encountering new friends from across the world. Those connections have really impacted my life and I write every word with you guys in mind. So thanks ya'll. :)

My title says "celebration," but I don't really know how to celebrate, so... here's a bunch of pics! :DD (I would do a giveaway, but I don't really know how the whole giveaways works goes) :S

Anyway, I don't want to bombard you with more pics of myself, but Ellen/Be You portraits does an amazing job. So I thought I'd share the rest of my senior photos!

Click images to see them in their original, glorious size - actually, I think they're larger than that, but it's closer to original!

The pics above and below are two of my favorites. :)

The bottom one is also one of my favorites:

My mom's favorite:

& if you'd like to see more of me - although you're probably tired of pics of myself - check out this video! I always like watching videos of fellow bloggers because you normally only see photos of them - videos add another dimension. :)

Recently, I've been cleaning up some things and I encountered my mini box of pins that I've collected since about five years ago. Here are just a few of the tons of pins that are roaming my house. I'll upload photos of my other pins in a future post! :)

Top left corner: 2008 Beijing Olympics special pins
Top right corner: British memorabilia
Bottom left corner: Korean pins
The rest: random from many places

(If you have a question about any of them, feel free to ask!)

From the British Museum of Art.

There was actually a Pink and Blue pin of the same pattern, and I couldn't choose between that one and the above pin. So I asked this fashionable looking young chap (I was in England so why not use approrpriate terminology?:D) who was wearing a hip blue, argyle sweater and had gorgeous blond hair. And I was like "which one do you like better?" And he replied, "oh... the blue one." He seemed a little freaked out by my random inquiry, but anyway, the rest is history!

From the Leadership Summit I attended in Boston at this time last year!! I miss my Leadership buddies...

Vintage Korean pins and one from 1988 Olympics! :)

Speaking of Korea, I'm sooo excited to visit my family and friends there in a couple weeks! My blog will be like a travel blog for the month of August, so stay tuned.

If you'd like to see more posts about my travels, click the "Travels" icon on the side bar of my blog. :)

I really worked hard to get those Coca Cola can pins! I asked all my friends and teachers to give me their Coke bottle caps so I could collect rewards to get the pin and after reaching 300 points, voi-la! :)

I hope you enjoyed my pin collection tour! :] There will be more I promise!

And if you have extra time, I enjoyed these pictures of Dakota Fanning all grown up.

song of the moment -
Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescents

what you might not have known about me

my math buddy, flickr friend and occasional blogger stalker tagged me in sharing 10 random facts about me-self! fo sho check our her flickr photostream, she's doing this 365 self portrait project and it's really amazing. :D

her flickr photostream

here i go! :]

1. I talk to myself and rerun conversations in my head and out loud. (I also pretend to win awards and go through the "i'd like to thank my mom... etc." yes, i'm pretty nerdy.)
2. I like to pretend I'm really gang$ter and gHeTtO.
3. I love children with all my heart. :)
4. My favorite food is Korean BBQ - it's probably the best thing in the world.
5. I love old films and would enjoy becoming a movie producer one day.
6. My favorite cartoon character is Snoopy. I love anything Peanuts!
7. I secretly like to watch kiss scenes in movies on youtube (like this one). (i know... soooo embarassing)
8. Sometimes I wish I was hipster, cool, indie and scene... yeah, shhh on this one too. ;D
9. If it weren't for my health problems and limitations, I think I could rule the world.
10. I can only sing well to Disney songs - I don't understand it.
11. I've always dreamed to live in a rural town where everyone knew each other - there'd be an ice cream and candy shop, local butcher and florist, annual carnivals and local parades and i could just ride my bicycle everyday and hang with my dog (like in Because of Winn-Dixie or Big Fish)

(i added an extra one.) :]

some of those are actually very deep/embarassing, so do not share them with the whole world... publishing this on my blog is probably the wrong way to do this for that purpose, but oh well... :P please share some of your random/unknown facts! :)

and pretend you were tagged (i'm too lazy to tag people so, I tag YOU); feel free to list 10 random facts about yourself! :)

here's some random pics of the day:

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